Once upon a time there was a little boy called Danny. He had two older brothers called Sam and Bob who wanted nothing to do with their annoying little brother so this story isn’t about them. Like most children at this time, Danny didn’t have a parent hovering around him to ensure his snacks were ethically produced or gluten-free. Danny did whatever he wanted to as long as he was home in time for dinner.
At the bottom of the court his family lived in was a large unruly vacant block that Danny loved to explore. Most days were a blank canvas. He used to love to abseil down the not so steep slope with found rope tied awkwardly around one of the trees – not that he would have ever have heard of the word abseil.
In Spring from the blossom trees that lined the street, he would eat as many of the sun warmed cherries as he could before he felt ill. Bush tucker man had nothing on Danny. Though not the ones out the front of number 4. Nobody played with the kids from number 4. The house smelled funny and they wore weird clothes. The parents didn’t talk like the other parents. Nobody went near number 4 if they could help it.
One day, Danny found a ball laying in the gutter at the very bottom of the court almost out the front of number 4. He rescued it and decided to play footy. He discovered that it was really tricky playing footy without friends or big brothers. Because of that, Danny decided that Big Ted needed to be goalie.
Hiding Big Ted from no one in particular, Danny liberated him from the bedroom floor and installed between two scrappy trees that served as goal. Goal was always at the bottom of the block to take advantage of the natural incline. The goal trees were at each edge of the block and since Big Ted was a lazy fucker Danny always scored.
And because of that, Danny assumed he was an excellent footy player. Going to school the following year sorted that assumption out quick sticks.
Until finally many years later Danny realised two things – he was crap at sports and there was nothing wrong with the people from number 4 after all.