Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Food as love.


If you’ve ever read  The Five Languages of Love book, or done one of those flippant Facebook quizzes, you’ve probably heard of the concept that we fall into particular camps regarding how we express our love for another – romantic or otherwise. Inconveniently, we also use this filter to perceive the actions of others as loving or not. If you’re curious, feel free to do an online search for the relevant terms and discover if you do perceive the actions of others as loving, and I will use the term nurturing as well. The fun bit is seeing if you and your partner, if you have one, view things the same way. I’m betting you don’t.

One of the main ways I demonstrate my love towards someone is to cook for them. Food is and has always been a big part of my life so this isn’t exactly surprising. I recall being sixteen and cooking a dish which at the time was not only a favourite of mine but also I considered being fairly cutting edge. Please bear in mind it was the 1980’s.

There was this guy I was trying to impress and hopefully get further along the baseball diamond scenario with (first base, second base – you with me?).  I even had two versions of this winner dish. The classic version was pan fried chicken breast fillet with a bacon and avocado cream sauce. I know, told you it would be classic. My alternative version was pasta with a chicken, bacon, avocado and cream sauce. Even now as I type these words, I cringe at the thought of dry stringy chicken meat (which I’m sure it was with the fear of food poisoning looming over my head), hard cooked nubs of bacon and under-ripe soapy tasting avocado in a too sweet creamy bath.

I can’t remember his name only that my parents had gone away to their beach house for the weekend and the coast was clear. I can picture a pimply face, short dark hair and him leaning against the kitchen bench whilst I tried to win him over with my kitchen confidence. The wine was Mateus rose – that classic semi-sweet from Portugal. I won’t reveal how well my efforts were received as my mum might read this.

A really beautiful part of the school that my children attended was the rosters that were set up when the class had a new mother. Healthy meals were provided that would nourish the family of the new baby. It was a Steiner school that my children attended so many dietary variations such as vegetarian, allium/dairy/gluten-free and so on had to be respected.

Only a few years ago, one gentleman I had started dating was quite strict on only consuming free range meats and had been lamenting the dearth of smallgoods that fit with his self-imposed parameters. My local organic store stocked a wide selection so I gathered salamis, sliced cured products and sausages into a bouquet complete with tissue paper wrapping. Again, decorum will prevent me from delving into precisely how grateful he was but I’m sure you can figure it out.

What I’m saying is nourishing people with food is one significant way that I show how I care. Of course, I do like compliments and affirmations of I love you but if I cook for you, it’s because I love you. The next bit is figuring out how other people are saying it to me.


Sunday, June 5, 2016

Relationships

Some years ago, a significant relationship of mine broke apart. Although it was of my doing, it was still difficult and scarring. As with most things in life, I believe that you learn things about yourself if you’re willing.
So what did I learn from this – lots.
I learnt that I am a powerful sexual goddess.
I learnt that I do need time out alone.
I learnt that I am sex positive.
I learnt that I can share.
I learnt that I need to work on my communication to make sure what I’m trying to say is being heard.
I learnt that personal presentation does matter to me and proper diet and exercise is vital to maintain well-being.
From previous relationships, I have also learnt.
I learnt that I need someone who is willing to be a part of my greater family (and they are great).
I learnt that I need someone who stimulates my brain as well as my loins.
I learnt that I need someone I can laugh with.
I learnt that I want someone who is as (im)mature as I am and that is not always defined by age.
I learnt that I deserve to be considered.
I learnt that I am worthy of quality.
I learnt that I can’t cope with messy people.
I learnt that I want someone who is open-minded.
I learnt that I need someone who is on-track financially.
I learnt that I am attracted to intelligent, articulate people.
I learnt that I need someone who is generous of spirit.
Naturally, I hope to keep on learning.



Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Desire




DESIRE
It can waste away – unused
Fade gently
Die quickly
Rise sharply
Slow burn to an intense high
Peak too soon
Be a passing phase
Make you wonder if it existed at all
Ensnare you brain
Ensnare your body
Confuse your mind
Delight your senses
Enliven your skin
Quicken your pulse
Scare your sensitivities
Challenge your pre-conceptions
Spark your creativity
Get your juices flowing
Lead you into the unknown, down unlit pathways, around blind corners and dump you terrified centre-stage with eyes of strangers upon you




Thursday, May 12, 2016

NSFW - I don't do this sort of thing


The following piece was written a few years ago for an erotica night that I was asked to perform at. Maybe read it out aloud to get the idea.


I don't do this sort of thing  

So where to start, how to explain
I don’t do this sort of thing.
You need to know that.

I barely knew him. We’d only briefly emailed, talked once, but the moment his hand touched my cheek my breathing slowed and my voice changed timbre.
I don’t do this sort of thing.

He knew he could reach inside my dress, gently bring out my breast and gradually pinch my nipple. He looked me in the eye the entire time.
I don’t do this sort of thing.

As a gentleman, he walked me to my car. We kissed passionately, with hands wandering. He said “Next time you won’t wear any panties”. I retorted “Is that so?” and secretly thought “He is probably right”.
I don’t do this sort of thing.

He sent me a diagram of a self-bondage tie I was to wear out that evening. I pleaded to be excused and he granted my request. I asked if I could wear my silver jewellery collar instead. He agreed.
I don’t do this sort of thing.

Every time my collar moved or became uncomfortable during the evening, I was reminded of the reason I was wearing it. When I came home, I achieved the rope tie, took a photo of myself in it and sent it to him. I slept like that.
I don’t do this sort of thing.

That afternoon he arrived with only a few minutes’ notice. All morning I had found myself cleaning my house….preparing.
I don’t do this sort of thing.

I opened the door and let him in. He took the rope from his bag and firmly bound my breasts. With nipple clamps attached, he guided me to my knees.
I don’t do this sort of thing.

Clearly I do.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Aurora - finished draft


It was an item on his bucket list. She was just a passenger along for the ride. He was travelling to the States for work and wanted to extend the trip to take advantage of the great Aurora season.

  “But it’s the best time of the month. And the best time of the year. We’d be in one of the best spots on earth to see it.” he debated his points vehemently. “It’d be a shame not go. We’ll go to Vancouver first for a few days to acclimatise, then on to Whitehorse in the Yukon. And, I promise,  we’ll go to Hawaii afterwards for a week. Let’s call it ‘The Fire and Ice Tour’?”

She nodded and even smiled at his enthusiasm. He was a completely different person when he was like this. This child-like enthusiasm was one of the first things she had liked when she met him.
 She’d been out with a girlfriend for dinner when her friend’s boyfriend turned up at the bar. They chatted briefly when he announced that he was off to a buck’s night at a strip club.
“Why don’t you ladies join me?” the boyfriend proposed with a cheeky grin.
“Go on, I’ve never been and I’ve always wondered what they’re really like” she convinced her friend, the wines and cocktails no doubt massaging their decision.

So minutes later they were in a taxi on their way to a strip club. Feeling quite excited by their libertine actions, the girls smiled broadly as they escorted the boyfriend in.  And that’s where they met -at a buck’s party in a strip club. When people asked how they met, they’d tag-team through the anecdote smiling as each took their turn. She never quite knew if people were somehow commenting on their obviously divergent lifestyles or just naturally curious.

Things were light and fun to begin with. They knew they had their differences. She had kids and lived in the suburbs. He lived in the city and didn’t want any kids of his own. He’d lived alone for eight years. She’d dated for the last five. They had a great time together going out with friends for dinner, drinks and parties. She long ago learnt not to bother planning a future too firmly as things never worked out that way. The only thing he planned ahead was holidays. She loved getting away though always looked forward to returning home. He put off returning to reality as long as he could.

Before they left Australia, she organised a joint counselling session. It was at her insistence. He couldn’t see any problem. She didn’t want things to go on like this. Stepping out of the dark cool counsellor’s office, she took his hand in hers and they both hid in the shade of the building while waiting for the pedestrian lights to change.
“So..” she coolly said ”should we go grab something to eat?”
“I’m not really hungry. Had a late lunch” he replied curtly as though his quota of words had been used up during the previous hour. He didn’t look at her but stared straight ahead wishing the lights to change by the sheer force of his will.

Lower back aching from sitting, she shifted her weight on her feet and looked down at the concrete footpath and noticed the speckles of rock shimmering in the afternoon sun, radiating heat up at them.
“We should organise the snow gear when we get back anyway” he reminded himself as much as her.
She knew when they got back to his apartment the chance to discuss how this first session had gone would be lost. She really liked their counsellor, Troy, with his purple checked shirt matching his purple socks.

“I think he’s gay, you know” she threw him a nibble hoping he’d comment and she could lead him on to further conversation. He didn’t bite. She carried on anyway. She was usually the one to lead things.
“Well I thought for a getting-to-know-you, housekeeping kind of session that went okay” she half asked as she let go of his hand and turned her body to face him, breaking his stare.
“Yeah I guess so” he admitted and leaned in for a peck of a kiss to seal the point. “We could get some take away noodles from the place downstairs if you like”
She clasped his hand again as they crossed the road towards his bright yellow Korean sports car. She didn’t love the car. He did. He’d had a plain black station wagon when they first starting going out. She had liked its anonymity.
“Short, tubby, balding man in a loud sports car. No clichés there.. At least, you can always find it in the car park” she reluctantly reminded herself as they approached.

It was only recently that things had started to turn sour. It was the little things. It usually is. He wanted to go out and some nights she wanted to stay in. She worked weekends. On Friday nights, he’d start drinking the moment he arrived home from work even when they had a big night out planned. His glass would never empty and he’d put on dance music so loud that the neighbours started to complain.
“It’s my Friday night” he said.”I can do what I like. I like a drink before I go out”
“to go out for more drinks “ she would say under her breath.

 Usually she gave in and went out, dressed in a new favourite party dress, low cut at the front just how he liked it. It was only when they were at the club that he became sullen. His chin inches from a drink; he’d look over the glass watching her. She loved the chance to meet new people or catch up with old friends. Middle suburban mum during the week, this was her chance to transform.
She smiled. People bought her drinks and admired her outfits. She preened and spun for her admirers, laughing all the while. He leaned against the bar in the corner and scowled. Occasionally he tried the same act but he came off more inebriated bumblebee than social butterfly. That was when his sulking would really kick in. How come she got the attention and he didn’t. He tried flirting with other women. Many times, people would ask her what he was on. Once his dance moves were enthusiastic and earnest. Now she just felt pity.

Watching the frozen world of Whitehorse go pass her fogged up taxi window, she sees a paddleboat stuck in the frozen Klondike River. Klondike was a name she’d heard of but without context, it had meant nothing. Stuck in winter ice, the historical wooden boat hadn’t gone anywhere in a long time and wasn’t going anywhere soon. Minus 21 degrees was going to be colder than she was used to or in fact had ever felt before. He had measured them up and organised the snow gear complete with boots to be there waiting for them.

Trying on the snow gear at the hotel on arrival, she couldn’t believe how ridiculous she felt in it. She never fitted into standard clothes easily. She was short and what was politely termed curvaceous. The jacket sleeves reached down passed her knees and the legs were bunched up over her boots so she found it difficult to walk. Of course, out there, there wouldn’t really be anything to walk to.
 “How come it’s so long in the arms and legs? Are you sure this is mine?” she felt hobbled at how little she could move in the padded jacket and pants.
His gear fit fine of course. She felt like an overgrown child learning to walk again.
“There’s no way I’m going out like this” she said

Plentiful supplies of booze and food were purchased from town to see them through their five days at the cabin. Dropped off by a large SUV, it would return almost a week later to pick them up. Far from any neighbours, they had their phones in case of emergencies. Deep wide tyre tracks were all that was left as the truck disappeared through the black, spiky forest. Expanses of endless white fields merged with the snow covered mountain ranges in the far distance. Soft pinks and lilacs filled the sky as the sun set on their first evening in the log cabin.

Retreating inside, he poured liberal amounts of wine whilst she put out a platter of cheese, meats and bread to nibble on, their wet snow gear draped across the simple wooden chairs in their tiny cabin.  No stereo system to fill the silence, they resorted to cable TV as their soundtrack for the evening. Food Network shows on repeat would amuse at first, only to grate in the coming days. Outside the darkness rolled in, blanketing the sparse forest surrounding their quaint little cabin.


Naturally the best viewing hours for the Aurora Borealis would be in the middle of the night. She said that she’d turn in and he promised to wake her if there was anything to see. Solar flares had been active these last few days so things looked promising. The wine bottle clanked in the sink as he reached for a second one. Lights were turned off and he methodically donned his snow gear before stepping out into the black moon-less night. He sat in his chair and hunkered down to wait and watch.

She tossed and turned on the too firm bed. She stretched out to use its full width. Her mind tossed and turned also as she thought back over the last few days. Busy with the machinations of travel and organising her parents to stay with her children, they’d not fought or discussed their counselling session the previous week. She didn’t know if this was a promising sign or not. Unable to easily drift into slumber land thanks to her active mind, she put on her snow boots by the door and threw a thick warm blanket around her. One step into the dry crunchy snow and despite her layers she feels too exposed.

 “Anything yet?” she asks, knowing the answer would be negative. He shakes his head as he looks up at her. She sits on the edge of his chair, his arms not moving to make any more room for her. He fills his glass with more wine but offers her none. It’s that kind of quiet that is deafening in its heavy solid silence.

“I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t be out there either” she thinks when she realises she can’t hear the sounds of any wildlife. She stays only a few minutes and turns to go inside the sanctuary of the lighted warm cabin when she can bear the frigidity no longer. “Too cold. Too quiet. Too still.” she thinks.

Peeling off her layers and climbing back into bed, she thinks “at least there shouldn’t be any tantrums tonight”. Those nights they would return to his place after too many drinks at a club and he would start in. All she would want to do is sleep and all he would do is rage at her for her lack of attention. It seemed he would rather wait until things had gone too far before he said anything. She never knew when a night was going to turn on its head. She never saw any warning signs. At least with her children, she’d learnt to recognise the tells..

She only realises that she was asleep when he shouts from the open door  “Come quickly!” Groggy, she puts on her thick puffy jacket, grabs a scarf and beanie and threads her feet into the boots just inside the door. Switching the light off to enhance the view, she walks away from the veranda to maximise the view of the sky. Turning this way and that, she’s not sure exactly what she’s looking for. She’s seen photos of the Northern lights and knows they’re large wispy green waves of light. Do they move? Do they only last momentarily like lightning? There are some stories she’d read about eerie noises accompanying the lights. She can’t see anything. She can’t hear anything.

At last, he has put down his glass and takes her shoulders in his hands. He turns her slightly and points low towards the horizon. “There” he says quietly. Leaning against him, he rests his cold chin on her bed-warmed hair and without speaking they watch the ribbons of pale green light dance languidly in the sky. In the morning he will excitedly show her his photos of the evening and all she can think is – “sometimes the picture looks better than the reality.”

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Dating at age 44


At age 44, I’ve dated. As mentioned before, I had a period where I was viciously dating. I really like the phrase viciously dating as I find it fairly represents how I approached the whole thing. I threw myself into it whole-heartedly, fiercely, with passion and energy.

My online profile was very honest. I mentioned my kids, showed full length photos, some photos without make-up and was very clear about what I was and was not looking for. No pint getting connected with someone who wanted more children. I had two and was satisfied with that.
I’m short and what is politely termed curvaceous. If someone was looking for tall, thin and blond then they should keep on looking. I was always upfront about my physicality for as much as it’s okay to say that we don’t judge a book by its cover, the last thing I wanted to see was a man’s face drop when my eyes met his. We are not all attracted to every body type. Harsh but true.

Yes, I tried speed dating, blind dates and the more organic ’fancy some random guy on the street’ type of dating. My preferred form was the online dating website - very easy to do whilst sitting in bed in my jammies with a bottle of Sav Blanc and a laptop. I liked the ones where it was more than a swipe left or right on your phone. I’m old school, I know. I wanted to read what they had to write. Good spelling and vocabulary were being judged, trust me. Later on I actually met a gentleman who had a side business helping men write their dating website profiles. It’s something I’ve often thought about myself. Keep that one up my sleeve for later.

Working full time an hour from the city and with two teenage daughters at home meant grabbing a drink after work in the CBD wasn’t a possibility. I was never one to hang out in clubs or go to a live gig so that wasn’t another closed avenue. Turns out the village match-maker doesn’t exist anymore so it looked like online dating was for me.

That said, it was fantastic for making connections and list comparisons but there was no addressing the issue of chemistry. Yes, it exists and yes it matters. Sometimes as I sat down at a table with a date, you could feel a little exciting frisson. Other times, it was more of a fizzle. I was always polite but I hated wasting their and more importantly, my time. Dates were always located halfway between theirs and mine. I didn’t want anyone hanging out in my hood if it didn’t work out. Coffee was the preferable first date that way it could short and sweet. This assumes they passed the flirty email, text banter and intelligent phone conversation stages.

I’m protective of my space. When chatting I’d nominate the suburb over as where I lived. My work was geographically remote so I was safe out there. Once I allow my privacy wall to be successfully traversed, that’s fine but I don’t let people in easily. The trials of the kind you read about it in fairytales weren’t that far-fetched, as far as I was concerned.

My best friend and I had a system. You have to have a system. She always knew where I was and with whom. I’d email her every single detail I knew about the guy, including his online profile. She would know where and when we were meeting. She would text me 30 minutes into the date and I would have to respond. This arrangement gave me a great opportunity to discuss our safety system with date. One occasion, my date and I were getting along so well I hadn’t noticed my phone receive multiple texts and calls. True to her word, she called the restaurant and demand to speak with me. I was in a lot of trouble for that one.

Usually they were impressed I had thought about it enough to have a system. I’d then ask them if anyone knew their whereabouts, just in case I was the axe-wielding homicidal maniac – not them. Damn! They hadn’t thought of that. The keystone of the system was me calling her on my way home to let her know how it all went. This served two purposes. She vicariously lived through my dates and it meant I didn’t sleep with anyone on the first date cause I’m a good girl (whatever that means..)

I met some fabulous people and some not so fabulous people just like in real life. I believe it’s really important to have a safety plan. Someone in the world should know where in the world you are although you may not want it to be your mum. I’ve been multiple people’s safety person and part of me likes the excitement of being in the know. So I do recommend online dating. It was lots of fun. You need plenty of energy and a good spreadsheet to keep track of everyone.

#myindigoobsession


Last year I started having some sessions with a counsellor. It was during my blue period. I was experiencing a very strong attraction to dark, indigo blues. My paintings were being pulled in that direction. I seemed to be drawn to dark blue fabrics and items #myindigoobsession Indigo, cyan, navy, cobalt, azure, cerulean. Even the names of the blue pigments attracted me; their mellifluous sounds haunted my mind.

all artworks my originals

I found myself nesting, actually curling up on the couch pulling the soft blankets in on top of me. The television may have been turned on but I wasn’t. Books couldn’t hold my gaze; their words raindrops beading on my skin. I avoided phone calls and even refused to read text messages or emails. Bailing on prior commitments, I found the clutter of people draining. I attended my job in automatic mode, flicking the switch that would shut off 8 hours later when I crawled back into my nest. The bills still needed to be paid even if I didn’t feel up to it.

I don’t precisely recall who or what finally made me phone the counselling service but I did and a session was set for 5 weeks time. Five weeks could have seemed an aeon away but knowing it was booked in was a comforting thought. Day by day, the five weeks passed.

There’s an odd thing about counselling sessions. Two strangers sit opposite each other in a neutrally aesthetic room on chairs that at first seem comfortable, and one opens the flood gates on the issues at hand. I can see the counsellor sifting through the oncoming waters trying to pick up the pieces of a jigsaw without knowing what the final image looks like.

My counsellor (we’ll call her Kate cause that’s her name) seemed to know when to raise the levy so we could more intimately discuss a point. Knowing the right question to stop me in my tracks, she was adept at asking questions I didn’t know how to answer. One thing I’ve discovered about myself over the years of journaling is that I have a gestation period of roughly 24 hours. I need time to digest an idea and roll it over in my sub-conscious before I can formulate my response. Even when I was dating I found that I didn’t really know how I felt about someone until the next day. Counselling appeared to be similar. The next day, I could articulate what had taken place but straight afterwards, my head was in the clouds.

I managed to get some great clarity on a few issues during our sessions. I may have made the initial appointment after some depressed episodes but we never directly dealt with depression. By discussing a variety of issues, I suspect we dismantled the depression brick by brick bringing the sunshine back in.

Whilst many of my friends may not have ever known that I suffered from depression, which in and of itself can be a trigger word, I have discovered that by talking and writing about it fears of stigma have blown away. It is precisely people like me who are bubbly, talkative and energetic on the outside who others don’t suspect would suffer from anxiety and depressive episodes. We can. We do. I guess that’s the point. I don’t know how I got lost but I talked to a professional, I took it easy on myself and I climbed out of my nest ready to face the world. I still like my indigo blues and find it grounds my visual art but I’m no longer stuck in my indigo obsession.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

What if I’d never had children?


What if I’d never had children?

I am by no means saying that I wish I’d never had kids OR that I,in some way, don’t like or love my children. I am just playing with the idea of a future where I hadn’t had children.

I do wonder if I’d have just knuckled down and down the career thing. I doubt it. I remember very clearly being in secondary school and I was around 15 years old. This was probably when you started to have career sessions with the school counsellor. I seem to recall doing those delightfully useless aptitude tests. I can’t even remember what my results of those were. School friends were talking about what university they wanted to attend, which they were going to do and what their working lives would be like. I sat alongside and nodded where appropriate but never felt any future of mine involved a pencil skirt, a phone and a desk.
All artwork my original 

 Being trapped in a city skyscraper for many hours a day only to thrust into the throng of all of those other thousands of city workers before, after and during the lunch hour rush had exactly zero appeal. Even today, I can’t see there’s any job that I would do that could convince me to partake in that daily ritual. That said, I’ve never been a part of Friday after work drinks, water cooler discussions, smoko or other office bonding rituals. One of my brief retail stints was in the city and I did the long train commute. I did enjoy that though for the plethora of books I was able to devour during that time.

So it appears the big business career was ticked off the list early on. Would I have studied more? I don’t think I was suited to Uni life back then straight out of school. I did try two different courses at two different institutions so I did at least try. I felt alienated. Yes, I know many others did too. I felt that they weren’t my kind of people. By that, I mean that I felt I couldn’t relate to them. There seemed to be no common ground to meet upon. I think in essence, that it wasn’t the right kind of course for me at that time. Now, I would look at those subjects not as something to get through but as something that inspires and stimulates. Yeah, I’d be one of those annoyingly enthusiastic mature age students. I wasn’t engaged then but possibly now I could be.

I’m skirting around the issue of whether or not I would have started down my creative path any earlier. I’ve been skimming back over my journals recently (only skimming as I don’t necessarily believe that journals are for being read as much as they are for being written). They go back 12 years or so. I mention writing and where it fits in my life. Further through the pages, I also write about the short painting courses that I was undertaking and the mutual painting group I started. I had small children at this point and there was quite an effort and energy involved getting the children looked after whilst I did these courses. If it was easier, would I have done more of it? I think not. My then husband wasn’t very supportive at all of any of my creative endeavours. I believe he was threatened by pretty much anything that didn’t revolve around him and the home.

Creativity by its very nature involves playing around with ideas and concepts. It’s incredibly messy and often very demanding of my time. He couldn’t have coped with it and I wasn’t pissed off enough to make the massive changes needed to get here. In one of her books, Mirka Mora talks about the selfishness necessary to follow the artistic life. I think she’s right. Art for me involves shutting out all other stimuli, including partner and children, to really concentrate on the thread that I’m exploring.  I struggle even having the radio or music on if I’m sitting down to write. Life experiences have no doubt enriched what I bring to my creative practice so these are not bitter words.

All that said, I’ve met some incredible people via my involvement with my children and I can’t imagine not having my current friends in my life.  Where would I be living? Who would I be living with? Would I travel more? Would I physically look any different? So many questions that can never have coherent answers.


I have two beautiful daughters who I am grateful to have in my life. They are so much fun and have taught me so much about myself and life. Each step in life brings us to where we currently are and I love where I am.

Viciously Dating

It is often said that you meet people for a reason. Well over my 7 years of vicious dating, I met many people. I tried dating in all its many glorious forms.

 First of all I signed up to RSVP which is a well advertised and from my understanding a well patronised online dating site. My best friend at the time ( and luckily for me and her she still is) signed me up over a bottle or more of Sav Blanc. I say it was due to her superior typing and word skills that she did the finger work. Either that or shall was experimenting vicariously through me. ... So what to say of those times? I met some lovely people a few of which are still Facebook friends or more. I chatted with some interesting chaps who I’m sure were perfect for someone else – just not me. I interacted with some downright dodgy characters who didn’t even graduate to getting my phone number.

Tired from the effort I thought I needed something which skipped the list keeping stage and jumped straight to the ‘do we have chemistry?’ stage. Speed Dating! Convinced by same said friend, one Sunday afternoon we went speed dating. She swore that friends of hers had done it, had fun and connected with some lovely gentlemen. Well, not one of those lovely gentlemen, were in our session. It appears that we scored the tradies from Narre Warren whose leisure activities stretched as wide as watching tv lounging on the couch whilst drinking beer to huntin’, shootin’ AND fishin’.  

I devoured a few of those popular paperbacks “He’s Just Not That Into You” dating rules and how to find Mr Right kind of books. I turned up looking good even when I didn’t necessarily felt like it. I kept my eyes open to men in all circumstances even in the local fruit shop. And one day whilst waiting in a popular Melbourne restaurant for a friend (I’m always early. In fact if I’m late it just means that I’m on time)I met a man who I spent 14 months with. This was what I termed an organic meeting - all chemistry and no list ticking. He wasn’t Mr Perfect. In fact he probably wasn’t even Mr Halfway-there. We had fun together. We both liked good food and good wine and good movies. I always knew it wasn’t forever but it sure was a fun 14 months.

I even went clubbing with friends which only reinforced that it wasn’t my scene. I have trouble concentrating with background noise, always have. As a mother of 2 teenage daughters, I sincerely doubt that Mr Right or even Mr Almost Right was going to be hanging out in a noisy doof doof club.

So I figured it was back to online dating for me. This time I surveyed my friends. Which sites might be fruitful for the kind of man that I was looking for? Some of the free ones turned out to be big hook up sites which wasn’t what I was looking for. On a side note, I’ve always found that as a semi confident woman, sex for sex’s sake hasn’t actually been all that difficult to find. Certain other sites seemed to demand you fill out essay length forms before anything would even go live.  I found one that was a happy medium. Never one to pay any money, I signed up for my free profile and filled out the necessary questions. Forget that I incorrectly spelt my profile name – not that anyone ever picked me up on it. I was off and running.

One gentleman in particular seemed to continually check out my profile.  Quick check of the photos – ok..Peruse his question responses – nothing to raise any concerns there. DAMN! He’s in Perth. How come his profile states location as Melbourne? Oh, he’s moving to Melbourne in a week. Nice..fresh meat. We connect. We email. We talk on the phone. A couple of weeks later, several days after he moves to Melbourne, we have our first date. I warn him to wear his serious walking shoes as I’ve planned a 4 hour walking tour of my glorious city. He was such a gentleman and after driving him home all I could think was that I wanted to spend more time in his company.

One time I sat down and listed the reasons I met certain men. Moreover, these are the things I learnt about myself while dating these men. Please note the names have been changed to protect the innocent. They are in no particular order and I promise the names are made up so there’s no point trying to figure it out.

Simon – I need someone who is willing to be part of my greater family
Matthew– I need someone with brains as well as a hot body that he knows how to use
Pete – I need someone who matches my inner age
Chris – I need someone who I find sexually appealing
Adam – I need someone who doesn’t spend longer getting ready than I do.
Craig – I deserve someone who doesn’t keep me waiting whilst he answers a work call while having dinner with me
Greg – I need someone who doesn’t refer to me as simply ‘a friend’
Martin– I need someone who is willing to be with me and my children.
Ben – I deserve someone who is motivated and on track financially
David -I want someone who has a strong interest in good food and wine/beer
Jason - I deserve someone who is generous of spirit

All artworks featured are my originals and for sale.
I very much enjoyed my time viciously dating. It was fun. I met some lovely men and some not so lovely men. All said, I’m grateful not to be dating. I love my man and am happy chilling out at home together.

Monday, June 16, 2014

an illuminating few days.

We do what we think is best at the time. When we know better, the important point is to do better.

I’ve had an illuminating few days.

Firstly, I’ve realised that I have the capacity to miss someone. I’ve never missed anyone in my life. I’ve heard the words said to me and heard them convincingly in movies but I’ve never missed anyone. I always thought this was a good thing as it meant I was happy and content in myself not needing anyone to make my life complete.

I’m still happy and content in myself and don’t believe I need anyone to make my life complete but I’ve discovered that I do, in fact, have the capacity to miss someone in my life. Part of it is no doubt is the gap in connection via text, message etc as he was in a different time zone and working to boot. He’s been interstate before for a few days but I didn’t feel it then. Is it where we are in our relationship right now? I don’t know but there’ll be a test when I go overseas in a couple of weeks. Interesting times.....

Secondly, I also was able to spend some time and get some advice from an experienced member of Australia’s art scene. I got some honest feedback and constructive advice. And yes, I am going to take it on. Nothing too unexpected was shared. It was all about taking the next, necessary steps in order to get to the next level.  Now I know better, I’m on my way to doing better.


I’ve learnt a lot recently and I plan to just keep on learning!