Viciously Dating

It is often said that you meet people for a reason. Well over my 7 years of vicious dating, I met many people. I tried dating in all its many glorious forms.

 First of all I signed up to RSVP which is a well advertised and from my understanding a well patronised online dating site. My best friend at the time ( and luckily for me and her she still is) signed me up over a bottle or more of Sav Blanc. I say it was due to her superior typing and word skills that she did the finger work. Either that or shall was experimenting vicariously through me. ... So what to say of those times? I met some lovely people a few of which are still Facebook friends or more. I chatted with some interesting chaps who I’m sure were perfect for someone else – just not me. I interacted with some downright dodgy characters who didn’t even graduate to getting my phone number.

Tired from the effort I thought I needed something which skipped the list keeping stage and jumped straight to the ‘do we have chemistry?’ stage. Speed Dating! Convinced by same said friend, one Sunday afternoon we went speed dating. She swore that friends of hers had done it, had fun and connected with some lovely gentlemen. Well, not one of those lovely gentlemen, were in our session. It appears that we scored the tradies from Narre Warren whose leisure activities stretched as wide as watching tv lounging on the couch whilst drinking beer to huntin’, shootin’ AND fishin’.  

I devoured a few of those popular paperbacks “He’s Just Not That Into You” dating rules and how to find Mr Right kind of books. I turned up looking good even when I didn’t necessarily felt like it. I kept my eyes open to men in all circumstances even in the local fruit shop. And one day whilst waiting in a popular Melbourne restaurant for a friend (I’m always early. In fact if I’m late it just means that I’m on time)I met a man who I spent 14 months with. This was what I termed an organic meeting - all chemistry and no list ticking. He wasn’t Mr Perfect. In fact he probably wasn’t even Mr Halfway-there. We had fun together. We both liked good food and good wine and good movies. I always knew it wasn’t forever but it sure was a fun 14 months.

I even went clubbing with friends which only reinforced that it wasn’t my scene. I have trouble concentrating with background noise, always have. As a mother of 2 teenage daughters, I sincerely doubt that Mr Right or even Mr Almost Right was going to be hanging out in a noisy doof doof club.

So I figured it was back to online dating for me. This time I surveyed my friends. Which sites might be fruitful for the kind of man that I was looking for? Some of the free ones turned out to be big hook up sites which wasn’t what I was looking for. On a side note, I’ve always found that as a semi confident woman, sex for sex’s sake hasn’t actually been all that difficult to find. Certain other sites seemed to demand you fill out essay length forms before anything would even go live.  I found one that was a happy medium. Never one to pay any money, I signed up for my free profile and filled out the necessary questions. Forget that I incorrectly spelt my profile name – not that anyone ever picked me up on it. I was off and running.

One gentleman in particular seemed to continually check out my profile.  Quick check of the photos – ok..Peruse his question responses – nothing to raise any concerns there. DAMN! He’s in Perth. How come his profile states location as Melbourne? Oh, he’s moving to Melbourne in a week. Nice..fresh meat. We connect. We email. We talk on the phone. A couple of weeks later, several days after he moves to Melbourne, we have our first date. I warn him to wear his serious walking shoes as I’ve planned a 4 hour walking tour of my glorious city. He was such a gentleman and after driving him home all I could think was that I wanted to spend more time in his company.

One time I sat down and listed the reasons I met certain men. Moreover, these are the things I learnt about myself while dating these men. Please note the names have been changed to protect the innocent. They are in no particular order and I promise the names are made up so there’s no point trying to figure it out.

Simon – I need someone who is willing to be part of my greater family

Matthew– I need someone with brains as well as a hot body that he knows how to use

Pete – I need someone who matches my inner age

Chris – I need someone who I find sexually appealing

Adam – I need someone who doesn’t spend longer getting ready than I do.

Craig – I deserve someone who doesn’t keep me waiting whilst he answers a work call while having dinner with me

Greg – I need someone who doesn’t refer to me as simply ‘a friend’

Martin– I need someone who is willing to be with me and my children.

Ben – I deserve someone who is motivated and on track financially

David -I want someone who has a strong interest in good food and wine/beer

Jason - I deserve someone who is generous of spirit

All artworks featured are my originals and for sale.

I very much enjoyed my time viciously dating. It was fun. I met some lovely men and some not so lovely men. All said, I’m grateful not to be dating. I love my man and am happy chilling out at home together.

nosebleeds

I used to get a fair few nosebleeds when I was a kid and into my teenage years.  I guess they stopped for many years because I can’t really recall it being an issue. Over the last two years they seem to be returning with greater frequency though.

I don’t know why it happens. I can’t predict when it will happen. I don’t have high blood pressure (in fact I tend to have lower than normal blood pressure which has its own implications). I don’t have a cocaine habit or Ebola or any of the other causes that WebMD suggests. Generally I bleed from the left nostril and it stops usually pretty quickly without much effort or fuss. Afterwards I’m left fatigued and a little too crowded in the head.

The internet search was deeply unsatisfying so I widened the search to symbolic meaning of nosebleeds. Now things get a bit more interesting. Apparently I am feeling unrecognised. So I sit and dwell upon this for a bit. No one wants to admit to feeling unrecognised. 

Andy Warhol said that we will all get our 15 minutes of fame. Maybe mine is still to come but let’s assume I’ve had it – what happens now? Does fame constitute recognition? I doubt it in all honesty. I could think of nothing worse than not being able to walk down the street picking or sitting in your car at the lights quietly picking your nose (not that I’d do that as it wouldn’t help the nosebleeding issue) without being recognised and harassed. In fact, I dislike working near where I live as I like my privacy too much. Bad enough that one has to be polite to customers at work.  Goddess forbid I should have to be civil to them on my time.

Okay so if it’s not fame then what does recognition mean to me. Peer and industry recognition perhaps? Not so much of “yes, I’ve heard of Amanda Kennedy the artist” but “You’re an artist. Great . Would love to see/discuss your work”. Or “You’re an artist. Great .  I’ll put you in touch with so and so”. I know that artists are a dime a dozen and art covers such a wide scope. It often feels like I’m wandering alone in the shallows in the dark hoping to catch something with my small hand held net.

It’s taken me a few years to easily answer ‘artist’ when that question of what do I do comes round to me at social gatherings. I can now do it without laughing and actually happily engage with people about how it all works from my point of view. So I guess I’ve started on the first steps of this journey by recognising myself as an artist. It’s now up to me to put that out further into my world and beyond.

Just to be to cover my bases I have my affirmations -

“ Even though I have a need for recognition and feel unrecognized and unnoticed, and I am crying for love, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

I love and approve of myself. I recognize my own true worth. I am wonderful. I recognize my own intuitive ability.” 

(thanks Louise Hay)

And always carry a pack of tissues.

I'm grateful for the simple things

I am grateful for the simple things in my life.

The other day for lunch I made sliced tomatoes on toast. Simple and simply delicious. On locally made organic sourdough toast, I placed thickly sliced softly ripe tomatoes and some peppery basil just picked from my garden. Freshly cracked white pepper and salt crystals finished it off nicely. Truly yum!

It looked pretty and tasted pretty delicious.

I remember, during my childhood, my dad enjoying a similar breakfast at times (albeit without the home grown basil). It's funny the things that stick in your mind. I also remember the tinny sound of the clock radio on top of the fridge broadcasting the horse racing programs on a Saturday morning. I remember my surprise when I learnt that trams have the ability to go around corners - I'd only ever seen them go in straight lines. I also remember that comforting feeling of their always being somebody around. In a house where I was the youngest of four children, it was a warm fuzzy feeling having someone always there.

I'm grateful for my childhood - no complaints or blaming here thank you very much.

I'm grateful for good friends and family that enrich my life.

I'm grateful for happy, healthy children.

I'm grateful for restful,restorative sleep.

I'm grateful for the many opportunities life offers me.

I'm grateful to live a comfortable life.

Gifts

Couldn’t believe my eyes as I was driving home this afternoon! There on the nature strip a few doors down from my house, an overhead projector had been put out on hard rubbish. Only several days before a Facebook friend had mentioned he was looking for one and I thought to myself how helpful it could be. The idea had been put on my radar quite some months prior by another friend who has spent many years in art and design fields. So there it was put in front of me free for the taking – so I took!

What this lead me to think about was how sometimes in life, things are just put in front of you (or three doors down the road..). I guess the key is in recognising it. If you are too pre-occupied with the minutiae of day to day life, which we all can be a lot of the time, then it can be hard to see the gifts that are provided by the universe, or whatever deity/non-deity you choose to nominate. I am grateful for many things in my life – pretty pink roses in my garden, perfect coffee made for me as I arrive at work, a foot massage after a long day working on my feet. 

I recognise these gifts and am delighted in them.