I can switch....

I recently heard about the idea that in portraiture there is an inherent power relationship. The artist is dominant over the submissive subject. I attracted to this idea though I’m not necessarily committed to it. What does this mean regarding the fact that I recently arranged some portraiture sessions of myself for use as subject matter for my paintings? I am the submissive or the dominant..or I can genuinely switch between these roles?

The logistics were tricky being both model and art director (though the photographer will argue that “I” wasn’t the art director but that’s a conversation that is only going to go around and around unsatisfactorily in circles). Clearly I’m not the first, nor will I be the last actor/director or model/stylist.  There certainly was a sense of giving up control and trusting the photographer’s artistic eye. Do I really trust them? I have to. I don’t have any other choice.

Anyone who knows me will understand my frustration at NOT being in control of all the variables. (Actually at this point I’m thinking that I need to learn how to use a camera and do some basic post production of the image. I’ll just add that to my to do list, shall I?....) Though I have heard that I can affect  a convincing laissez-faire attitude.

Of course, that’s only the initial stage. After dealing with copious amounts of my feedback and  having been sent the edited images, I switch roles. I’m no longer submissive. I’m in charge, on top!

And that’s where the story stops for now.

I’m unwell in bed, on the couch but most importantly not in the studio.  My head is swimming with ideas and my soul is uplifted by so many positives that have recently come into my life and I could push my body and throw myself into the studio but there’s no rush. I’m going to be an artist for the rest of my life. I want to get well, renew my energy and go forwards from there.

Gifts

Couldn’t believe my eyes as I was driving home this afternoon! There on the nature strip a few doors down from my house, an overhead projector had been put out on hard rubbish. Only several days before a Facebook friend had mentioned he was looking for one and I thought to myself how helpful it could be. The idea had been put on my radar quite some months prior by another friend who has spent many years in art and design fields. So there it was put in front of me free for the taking – so I took!

What this lead me to think about was how sometimes in life, things are just put in front of you (or three doors down the road..). I guess the key is in recognising it. If you are too pre-occupied with the minutiae of day to day life, which we all can be a lot of the time, then it can be hard to see the gifts that are provided by the universe, or whatever deity/non-deity you choose to nominate. I am grateful for many things in my life – pretty pink roses in my garden, perfect coffee made for me as I arrive at work, a foot massage after a long day working on my feet. 

I recognise these gifts and am delighted in them.

Pruning

Well it seems that gardening provides for many useful artistic metaphors.

Earlier this evening, during some very welcome mild spring weather, I grabbed the secateurs and started to prune the jasmine vine that grows along front balustrade. Being the virtual gardening virgin that I am, I was guessing at the correct manner in which to prune. The vine grew haphazardly in every which way for so many years and only recently have I attempted to guide its path (there is some correlation with my artistic path too).

I started with cutting off the dead wood to help me see what was really there to work with. After this I then cut the leading strands back or tucked them around and through the irons of the handrail . By editing and gently guiding the strands I was able to bring some order to the apparent disorder. Now by no means do I mean to say that I tamed nature. I am merely removed what I ‘think’ isn’t adding to the overall form and growth of the vine.

Equally - earlier this week I went through all my materials and pieces in my new studio to see what was worth saving and what needed to be cast away. I edited, moulded and discarded where necessary.

Sooooo, like my vine, I’m hoping to relish in the opportunities of this balmy Melbourne spring and grow in new and interesting ways.

The Flow

Life has its ebbs and its flows and it is definitely flowing for me right now.

I feel blessed not only to be experiencing this flow but also blessed to be switched on enough to recognize it.

Recently in my life I’ve met an incredibly supportive man who enriches and enhances my life. This naturally brings a smile to my face every day.

I’ve  been fortunate enough to be a part of the recent Fetish Expo at the Fitzroy Town Hall during which I spent many, many hours on my feet talking to a wide range of people who stopped to chat and watch me paint. This was a wonderful chance to get genuine feedback and I was buzzing the whole day. (Naturally the next day was spent chilling out in the bath with a bottle of vino and my own personal foot masseur).

My studio is complete and I’m fully moved in.

I’ve also been offered to be a part of a new monthly evening which will bring together a range people of varying artistic persuasions. It’s flattering to be asked and exciting to be involved with new ventures at the ground level. (I promise to post details of this event once details have been nailed down. Naturally I want many people to attend and help make this a success)

I’m thrilled with the ease of this blogging business even if it is only a forum for me to vent, explore and ruminate. I’m getting some feedback and sales through Red Bubble too – now that I’ve figured out the technical settings of getting message alerts…..

I had a grand plan for this year to get more serious about my art and though it may have taken to August to get the ball rolling – watch out people , there’s no stopping it now! 

Weeding

As I’m sitting in my relatively new garden bed , starting to cramp up with stiffness I’m lead to wondering what constitutes a weed. Is it something as simple as something growing where you don’t wish it to grow? I ask this as growing in my garden bed is something that appears to be grass. Seeds that I assume have come in on a free ride on the mulch I used. Now apart from the annoyance this has caused, I‘m forced to actually get my hands dirty again (let’s not mention my aching back).

Growing ever so profusely in my front lawn is not grass but …..weeds (the ones with the pretty little yellow flowers). So, I’m thinking instead of trying to wrestle nature to working within my clearly arbitrary tight expectations, I could just reframe my vision and as long as things grow they can do so where they wish….

Yeah not sure how that will all pan out…

My latest creation

Don't apologise!

A friend recently introduced me to this idea.  At first, I questioned her but then as she explained her point I came to see the wisdom in her words.

When you flippantly use the words “I’m sorry…” to start a conversation with, you can inadvertently diminish what you’re about to say.  Already you’ve taken a submissive position. We, as women, can be often guilty of such things.

I’ve been attempting to adhere to this idea throughout this week. The habit is stealthily invasive at times.

I catch myself during conversations and actively reword my sentences. Texting at least gives me the time to rephrase what I have to say.

Why do I say “I’m sorry”?

Sometimes, I start a request with it when I want someone to do something for me. I’ve just simply stopped saying it. I’m not being unreasonable so there’s no need for it.

I also use it sometimes as a synonym for “excuse me”  …so why not just say “excuse me”.

Then there are the times when I start a conversation with “I’m sorry” when I know that what I have to say may not be easily accepted by the listener. I’m saying that I’m sorry that you may not like what I have to say. I guess this is possibly the trickiest one. Yeah, you may NOT like what I have to say but I still have the right to say it.

I don’t mean that if you have seriously made an error that you shouldn’t take responsibility and make amends - which I really do subscribe to. Precisely what you need to do will depend on the mistake made. It doesn’t necessarily mean moving heaven and earth but it should be genuine and done with integrity.